Medicine
by DecoyDream
Summary: Tessa Gray is a volunteer at a hospital for the terminally ill where she meets Jem Carstairs. Modern AU.
1. Chapter 1

_**-Medicine-  
**_

_**"You've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain but its disintegrating from all the medicine - Medicine by Daughter"**_

_**EDIT 17/3/13: **Changed the title because i realised how perfect the song was for the story. I can't promise a speedy update as life + Clockwork Princess is happening, but stick with me dear readers!_

Tessa Gray wandered along the corridors of the hospital, slowly pushing the cart of books in front of her with practiced ease. She had been volunteering here since she was a young teenager underneath the watchful eye of her Aunt Harriet. But now that her aunt had passed away, she still came to The Institute Hospital every week. It seemed easy for her to befriend those inside its walls and she enjoyed the enthusiasm they had when they would argue with her over particularly villainous characters.

However, there were difficult times too. Times when she would look forward to seeing a friend only to discover an empty bed. Times when she would round the corner with a book from her own collection in her hand only to find a grieving family and a vase of wilting flowers.

But over time, Tessa had come to accept death despite how cruelly unjust it was. After all, she knew from the very beginning that they were all terminal here. No matter how much medical advancement there were, not everyone could be saved. It was a continuous circle of life and death, something that Tessa was quite familiar with after losing her parents and her Aunt.

Pushing away those thoughts Tessa walked past a private room, surprised to find that it was occupied. Opening the door slowly, she resisted the urge to call out. Instead, she quietly batted away the mint green curtain, surprised to find a boy of her age sound asleep.

His appearance was highly unusual – abnormally silvery hair brushed messily to the side and delicate angular features, almost like a handsome porcelain doll. His arms which remained above the thin covers hinted at lean muscles but Tessa could see the tell tale signs. His wrists were bony and his pallor too pale, with a slight sunken look to his skin that traced lightly bruised shadows beneath his eyes.

His eyes.

Tessa wondered what colour they were.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she turned her attention to her cart full of books and decided to leave some reading material for him to peruse when he awoke. Skimming through the titles, she firmly decided against anything too heavy or poetic and ditched her favourite Elizabeth Gaskell classics. Pulling out two books, Tessa was just about to decide on _The Hobbit_ when she heard the slight rustling of papery bed linen.

"My friend Will likes Dickens too"

The quiet voice startled Tessa into dropping one of the books she was holding, sending it tumbling to the ground so hard that she swore she heard the spine crack. Picking it up with flaming cheeks, she watched the boy whose eyes had flickered open to regard her with mild amusement.

Silver. His eyes were the most brilliant shade of silver.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," replied Tessa hurriedly, nervously squirming in her unflattering volunteer uniform "I just thought you might like something to read when you woke up"

He smiled at her, genuine and warm but _pained_. "That's very thoughtful of you, thank you"

Tessa frowned, placing both books on top of bedside drawer "Do you want me to call a nurse?"

Her hands fluttered uselessly over his blankets, before realising how absurd she was being. It wasn't like suffocating him in heat was going to help the pain.

He shook his head, though the grimace on his face never quite left "No, I'm fine. It's always like this"

Tessa didn't know quite what to say, so she settled for silence as she poured him a cup of water. He thanked her quietly, sipping it almost thoughtfully as she sat down in the stiff armchair next to his bed. If he seemed surprised by her decision to stay, he didn't show it, not even when she flipped open to the first chapter of _The Hobbit_ and began to read.

In a soft and soothing tone, she read page after page. She read until the sun began to set over the Hospital courtyard, drenching the falsely cheery gardens in a golden haze. The boy listened as he laid down to his side, his lips quirking in amusement when she would imitate the indignant tone in Bilbo Baggin's voice.

Soon, his eyes began to slip shut even though he fought to stay awake. He wasn't trying to stay awake for the story (after all, he had read it over a dozen times – not that he bothered to tell her that), he just wanted to hear her voice read words from another world, where there was still _time_ for the character to have adventures.

Tessa's grey eyes lifted from the yellowing pages to see the boy sound asleep, soft snores escaping from him in small puffs of air. Slipping in a spare bit of paper as a bookmark, Tessa soundlessly placed the book on his table. Standing up from her chair, she carefully eased the blankets slightly higher up on his chest.

Fastening her hands on the cart, she pushed it out of the door and into the deserted hallway outside. Just as she was about to close the door behind her, a sleepy voice called out.

"What's your name?"

Tessa poked her head back in, a small smile playing on her lips as he squinted at her through the crack in the semi drawn curtains "Tessa Gray. You?"

He offered her a tiny quirk of his lips, his voice half muffled by the pillow his head was buried in.

"James Carstairs. But everyone just calls me Jem"

_**A/N:** This is pretty much what happens when i refuse to do my uni work (plus the fact that there's STILL not enough Jem and Tessa love out there). I don't really think there's going to be a sequel for this unless i have a urge to. I hope you liked it anyway! Thanks for reading and please review for the love of Jem ;)_

_- DecoyDream _


	2. Chapter 2

Late summer had turned to early autumn and once again, Tessa found herself tracing the familiar steps to his room. She wasn't sure when or how, but it had become a habit to come here outside of her usual volunteer hours. Sometimes she brought a box of biscuits with her to share or a board game to past the time while he told her stories of places and characters she had never heard of before. She would listen with rapt attention, hearing the absurd yet extraordinary tales that his quiet voice brought to life. It was comforting being in his presence – he would listen to her complain about school and her aspirations for university, reassuring her with a such genuine confidence that it often surprised her that she had really only just met this boy.

That afternoon she had deck of cards in her backpack, a flask of tea and some shortbread she had bought from the local supermarket. Without knocking, Tessa slowly opened the door and shut it firmly behind her.

"Will? Will is that you?"

He was standing by the window in his starched white hospital clothes, silhouetted against the fading light with his violin tucked neatly beneath his chin. His hand holding the bow was poised delicately over the strings while his eyes were shut from concentration. She had only heard him playing a handful of times. For some reason, he always seemed abashed about it, quickly but carefully placing his beloved instrument into its case before securely locking it away. Tessa didn't understand his embarrassment – he played it so well and with such grace that no one could possibly fault him (though she had to admit, she was _slightly_ bias).

Looping the strap of her bag over a chair, Tessa began to pull the cards and food from her bag with a small smile on her face.

"It's not Will"

Jem whirled around, his hands dropping immediately while spots of pink appeared high on his cheeks.

"Hello Tessa. I wasn't expecting you today"

Tessa grinned "I know. By the way, when am I ever going to meet this infamous Will character?"

Jem scowled, though the look of fondness in his silver eyes betrayed his true feelings "Hopefully not any time soon"

Tessa poured him a cup of tea which he accepted with a softly murmured thanks "And why would you want to keep him from me?"

He scoffed "I want to keep _you_ from him. He has quite the reputation of corrupting young innocent women"

Tessa laughed, her eyes suddenly landing on a vase of fresh yellow roses that sat on his beside table "Did Will give those to you?"

Jem glanced over at them, his lips curving slightly as if in remembrance "No actually, I got those from Charlotte"

Tessa's smile wavered, her good mood suddenly doused by frigid water. Who was Charlotte? Were Jem and she… involved? Come to think about it, Jem never did divulge much on his personal life and for some bizarre reason the idea of a girlfriend never even crossed her mind...

Steadying her voice, she tried to look only mildly interested "Well that's lovely"

Jem tore his gaze away from the flowers, noticing the almost strangled tone of Tessa's voice. Studying her for a few uncomfortable seconds with the most unreadable expression, he finally let up and delicately sipped his tea.

"Charlotte's my foster sister. She's only older than me by a few years but she does love to mother me," he explained lightly, staring out the window.

Feeling strangely buoyant and relieved, Tessa ignored just how easily he could understand what she was thinking (after all, he always seemed to know these things). Becoming curious about his life, she crossed her legs and refilled their tea.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your parents?"

"They died when I was young," he replied with little inflection in his voice though pain lit up his eyes "A robbery gone wrong or so I was told. The Branwells took me in and they're my family now"

Sympathy coloured Tessa but she didn't dare say she was sorry. She had never understood it when people said that – it was just a useless and overused formality that trailed after her wherever she went. Somehow, she knew Jem wouldn't appreciate the empty words either.

Instead she slid her hand over to Jem's tight knuckled ones, covering his cold hands with her substantially warmer ones with a firm pressure. His eyes flickered to hers, searching for something before giving the tiniest hint of a smile in silent gratitude.

"Your parents would be proud of you Jem," said Tessa, her voice sure and strong.

He looked mildly surprised at the turn of conversation, a brow raising slightly towards his pale hairline "Why do you think that?" he asked, openly curious.

"Because you're kind and generous to others and you deserve so much more than what you've got. Because you've made the best of an impossible situation but you'll never let it stop you. Because you're you Jem, and that's the best kind of compliment I could ever give"

He looked genuinely touched, his eyes wide with wonder. Pressing his other hand on top of hers, he gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you Tessa, that means more to me than you think"

She smiled, her heart swelling as his expression began to mirror hers with the barest hint of uncertainty. Feeling the abrupt bout of intensity in their locked gazes, Tessa let her hands drop, immediately missing the warmth and smooth pressure.

Averting his eyes, Tessa fished around in her backpack till she found the deck of cards. Sliding them out of the battered cardboard box, she pronounced the options in a falsely cheerful voice.

"Snap or Go Fish?"

Jem looked at her with amusement, snatching the cards from her and ignoring her indignant mock cries of ungentlemanly behaviour. Shuffling them expertly with a surprising amount of precision and dexterity, he answered with a crooked smirk "Go Fish"

Jem dealt the cards with his smile still in place, choosing to ignore Tessa's less than subtle mutter of _"Show off"._

_**A/N:** I stayed up to get this chapter out in celebration (or is it mourning?) of Clockwork Princess coming out tomorrow! _

_Also, I think you would have noticed a familiar phrase in this chapter ;) (Will? Will is that you?) As always, thanks for reading and obviously Cassandra Clare owns things (mainly the rights to her creations… and the souls of a gazillion fangirls). Thanks for the reviews on the first part, i do appreciate it :)_

_Happy Reading guys and i hope CP2 doesn't crush too many hearts!_

_- DecoyDream x_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _How did you guys like Clockwork Princess? I don't want to spoil anything for those who haven't read it yet, but if you want to (literally) hear what i think, head over to my tumblr at jellybabyneutronflow for an audio discussion/review (I talk about Jem a lot in it...). I'd love to hear what you guys think too! Also, thanks to those who reviewed this story! :) By the way, this is kind of like chapter 3 part 1 as the next chapter would be a continuation of this... Thanks for reading guys!_

_**Chapter 3**_

That day was different from the rest. The sky seemed a little bit too grey, the wind too harsh and biting against her reddened cheeks and nose. But still she felt like she was in a good mood that morning because she had a surprise for Jem that day. A surprise at a location that was not in the vicinity of the hospital he had grown to despise and one that involved cupcakes she had bought from the nice patisserie down the road.

He had never told her it was his birthday but she found out by accident when she was helping one of the receptionist girls with some filing while they chatted. She didn't mean to pry, but his name caught her eye and she couldn't resist a little outside expedition between just the two of them. She had asked the nurses for permission, and though dubious they eventually agreed after naming many terms and conditions.

"…Make sure he's dressed warmly okay?"

"Don't whisk him too far away Miss Gray!"

"Make sure he's packed his medicine with him!"

The head nurse, an elderly and kind woman, looked up with grandmotherly fondness while her eyes twinkled with mischeif "Taking your boyfriend on a first date?"

Tessa flushed bright red at that and promptly left as they chortled at her expense. Jem was not her boyfriend, she told herself firmly. He was most definitely _not _her boyfriend. She would never presume such a thing, not that the idea of them together seemed incomprehensible to her or anything…

She felt more at ease with Jem than she ever had with anyone else, and his ability to make her laugh and smile made her head spin with a sort of dizzy happiness sometimes. She liked to think that he liked her company too. He seemed to smile more now, laugh a little louder when they would talk till the day ebbed away. Sometimes, when he was feeling less shy, he would take out his lovely violin and play something for her. She would listen, legs up to her chin with her large grey eyes focused entirely on him. One time after he had finished, he lowered his bow and his eyes had opened to see what she thought. He looked so vulnerable, boyish and even a little scared, and it was times like this when she thought about how horribly unfair it all was. That Jem, the kindest and most selfless person she knew, was not even going to make it through his 21st birthday.

She didn't realise till Jem reached up a hand to wipe her tears away with the pad of his thumb that she had been crying. He looked concerned, but he opted for a lightly joking tone.

"Was it that bad then?"

It startled Tessa into a laugh and she shook her head, feeling silly for bursting into tears. Dragging the hem of her jumper across her wet cheeks, she gave him a wide smile.

"It was perfect. I wish you would play more"

He looked at her then, his expression quite peculiar as small smile touched his face.

"I will. I will as long as you want me too"

Tessa shrugged off the pleasant memory as she opened the door to his room. She had asked him whether she should knock once, but Jem just asked why she would need to. She told him that she didn't wish to catch him in a state of undress but he just raised his eyebrows and said "Are you sure you don't want that?". Tessa blushed furiously at that, smacking him lightly on the arm as he howled with laughter. She knew he was joking, being overtly flirtatious but it still didn't stop the persistent fluttering in her stomach for the rest of the afternoon.

She looked straight ahead, expecting him to be sitting by the window or practicing his violin. But the curtains were drawn and as Tessa tentatively batted them away, she bit her lip at what she saw.

He didn't look too well today. Sunken shadows under the eyes and his bluish veins too prominent against his translucent skin. Even though it had only been a week since she had last seen him, he looked like he had lost weight too. His collarbones seemed to stand out in stark contrast, the fine bones in his wrist looking frail. His silvery hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and his hands gripped tightly onto the white bed sheets.

At least he wasn't hooked up to any machines of IV drips.

He blearily opened his eyes as he heard the scraping of the chair "Hey you"

Tessa smiled gently at him, though she worried over how soft his voice had become. Clasping his hand in hers without a second thought, she rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. He felt colder than he should, given the ridiculously warm temperature settings inside the hospital.

"How are you doing today?"

Something hardened in his sleepy, dark silver eyes "Don't treat me like a patient Tessa. I get enough of that from the nurses and doctors"

He tried to pull his hand away from hers but she held on fast "But you are a patient Jem, and I'm not going to ignore your health,"

His expression softened, his tone apologetic "I know, I'm sorry Tessa. I've been stuck here for a few days and now I'm taking it out on you". He sighed, the sound weary and weak.

Tessa shifted slightly in her chair, "Actually, I was going to take you out today but we can save it for another day I suppose"

Jem's eyes narrowed, the pillow rustling as he turned accusingly in her direction "Why specifically today?"

Tessa averted her eyes but she could never lie convincingly to Jem "I may or may not have accidentally seen your birthday in the files"

He groaned though it held no exasperation. With fondness he regarded her with a mock glare "Trust Tessa Gray to go and organise a surprise party"

"Well, I thought it was a nice gesture!" exclaimed Tessa, a part of her suddenly wondering whether it was _a nice gesture_.

Jem smiled with a bit of effort. "It is," agreed Jem solemnly "Especially if there's cake involved"

Tessa laughed "Sometimes I wonder if you actually like my company or if it's the food I bring"

Jem entwined his thin, pale fingers through hers "I'm not going to lie – it's a bit of both"

Tessa gave him a half exasperated look though she was secretly pleased that he looked much better already. There was pink in his cheeks and light in his silvery eyes that sparkled with mischief. It also helped that the look he was giving her made her feel oddly warm inside again.

"Well, we won't go out today but we can still eat the cake," said Tessa, compromising on the situation.

Jem frowned "No, we can still go out. I'm well enough and I'll bring my medicine"

Tessa looked dubious "Don't go just because I've planned it. We can easily go another day"

Jem disentangled his hand from hers and sat up on the bed, swinging his legs off the side and standing up. He swayed for a second before collecting his balance on the bed post. "I'm fine Tessa. We're going after I get changed out of these clothes"

Tessa found that she couldn't say a word to deny him once he began to pull off his soft white cotton shirt right in front of her.


	4. Chapter 4

**SUPER LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_Thank you for the reviews, favourites and follows! I'm sorry that this has taken a bit longer than usual to publish (though this is twice as long as the other chapters to make up for it!) - life has been so busy, i've barely had time to breathe properly. Once again, if you've read CP2, let me know what you thought of it. My audio review is on my tumblr at jellybabyneutronflow (There are spoilers so be wary!)._

_Also, even before i started reading TID, i have always had a thing for guys that play the violin. Since we all can't have Jem Carstairs serenade us to sleep, listen to this cover by MetalSides (Daniel Jang) on youtube - "Why did i fall in love with you" violin cover (originally by DBSK). I promise you it's lovely and beautiful and all those things that violin music should be :P Without any further ado, here is chapter 4!_

**Chapter 4**

It turned out that Tessa's surprise plan for the day included more than just one location. First, they took a bus downtown where they went to The British Museum. Truthfully, Jem never really liked museums for they were always more of Will's kind of thing. They were dusty and always smelled a little bit dank, like the formation of the building was built purely on mildew. But Jem was conveniently able to overlook those thoughts when in Tessa's company. There was something about the way her eyes lit up when she was talking about the Classical Greece exhibit, or the way she would make gestures so wildly that she almost knocked over a priceless ancient clay teapot display. Or perhaps it was how the pink flush on her face would spread all the way up to the tips of her ears when the security guard gave her a hard reprimanding glare at her blunder. Jem found that he hadn't laughed so much in a long time, and that by the end of the 3 hours that they were there, he came to the realisation that perhaps museums weren't so drab and boring after all.

Afterwards, when Jem was all but dragging Tessa away from the gift shop ("I _swear_ I need another bookmark Jem!"), they took the bus eastwards to Victoria Park Village. A smattering of small shops dotted the roads and Tessa inevitably led him into a tiny bookstore. The shelves were lined up to the ceiling with books, rays of light shining from the tall window panes and illuminating the small space. Tessa encircled his thin wrist with her fingers, tugging him gently towards the fiction section where she began to point out her favourites.

Jem's fingers brushed along the colourful spines, stopping at a green hard covered book with elegant gold script.

"Tess of the d'Urbervilles" he murmured, "Have you read this Tessa?"

She walked over, so close to him that her chin was almost resting on his shoulder "I have actually. It's not a very fun story. Everyone ends up miserable or dead in the end," she said conversationally.

Jem gave her a sidelong glance, his mouth hitched up into a half smile though it held no happiness "Well that's the sad truth isn't it? That people end up miserable or dead or most probably both in the end?"

Tessa's mouth suddenly ran dry and she didn't know quite what to say "Not necessarily…" she ventured nervously "Some people can be quite happy when they die. Like when they've led a full life with the people they love"

"A full life…" Jem mused, plucking the book off the shelf and leafing through the thin pages "I wonder what would have been like…"

Tessa frowned, moving so she was standing right in front of him "Don't say things like that Jem. You don't know what's going to happen in the future."

He looked down at his hands that held the book too tightly "But I do Tessa, and I've known for a long time now. I just hope that you know it too, and that when the time comes, that you won't mourn for me"

Tessa's cheeks flamed and she felt livid all of a sudden. She was mad that he would hope she wouldn't grieve him. She was incensed that he was being so blasé and resigned about his own life. But most of all, she was angry at herself because sometime from the first time they had met till now, there was a part of her that never accepted the fact that he was going to go to a place where she could not follow.

"Jem, don't you dare give up on yourself," said Tessa, her voice low and commanding.

He looked up, his silvery grey eyes shining and earnest "I won't. But I'm going to get tired of fighting one day and I want you to be ready. I know that I'm presuming too much, that I'm assuming that you like me half as much as I like you. But Tessa, when that day comes, promise me that you won't waste your tears on me. Remember me from the good times we've had. Remember the visit to the museum, remember the card games in the sun and remember all the times we've eaten cookies instead of dinner. Don't mourn me, but remember."

Tears pricked in Tessa's eyes and she couldn't help but throw her arms around him, enveloping his body in a bone crushing hug. His arms gradually found their way around her, the weight of the book pressing against her spine.

"I don't know if I can keep that promise Jem," she whispered into his shoulder blade, feeling the tickle of his soft hair on her cheek.

She could feel him smile against her hair "'_Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them…. But you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway_'"

Tessa laughed, a drop of moisture falling from her eyes and onto his shirt "I didn't know you were a fan of John Green!"

Jem drew back, a small smile dawning on his face as he wiped away her tears with the sleeve of his jacket "Who isn't?"

Tessa grinned, relieved to see a little bit of the happier version of Jem make a return "Let's go and get some ice cream and talk about how fantastic he is," she suggested.

"Careful Tessa, I might be getting jealous of this guy," said Jem teasingly "But ice cream does sound good. I think I'll buy this book first, it has me intrigued"

Tessa tried to object but her persuasive methods did not steer him towards some of her decidedly more happy favourite collections. In the end, the pair left the bookshop with a brown paper parcel tucked into Jem's bag.

"Come on, let's go to the park. We haven't even eaten the birthday cupcakes I bought yet!"

Jem looked mildly amused at her enthusiasm, especially considering they had finished their shared caramel sundae only moments ago "What makes them birthday cupcakes exactly?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, "The sentiment?"

Jem grinned "Fair enough then"

The incident in the bookshop seemed like a distant memory now, something that Tessa was eternally grateful for. She had been watching Jem quite closely for the past hour to see if he was going to broach the topic again, but he seemed to have returned to his kind and gentlemanly self. He allowed her to take the first and last spoonfuls of ice cream and he also indulged her when she insisted on tandem bike riding ("But we look _so_ silly Tessa!"). All in all, he seemed perfectly fine. He had a glow to his cheeks and a shine to his eyes and Tessa couldn't resist feeling so completely elated that this birthday excursion hadn't gone completely sour after all.

Soon enough they arrived at the park, steering clear of any heavily populated areas or places with a high duck populace ("Maybe Will's fears of cannibalistic ducks are valid!"). Settling down, Tessa unravelled the picnic blanket from her bag and began unpacking some drinks and the box of cupcakes that still miraculously remained intact.

"I still don't know why your favourite is vanilla," commented Tessa, scrunching her nose when she passed it to Jem. Jem grinned, licking off half of the swirly frosting and ignoring Tessa's mock look of disgust.

"Vanilla is the best. So is red bean. And taro too," said Jem thoughtfully, peeling away the paper wrapper and plucking off a sizeable chunk of cake.

Tessa looked mystified as she started to eat her own chocolate peanut butter cupcake "Why would you put red bean and taro in a cake?"

Jem laughed, his silvery eyes bright in the sun "I'll take you to Shanghai one day Tessa. Then you can experience all the weird and wonderful food"

Tessa gave him a wry look "No thanks, I'll just stick to plain chocolate"

He finished off his cake, wiping his hands on a napkin before lying down on the blanket with his head propped up against his bag. He closed his eyes, his arms hanging loosely by his sides as he soaked in the feeble rays of sunlight.

"Don't you ever want to travel the world one day Tessa?" he asked, his voice quiet and musical. Tessa shrugged before realising that he couldn't see it. Swallowing the rest of her cake, she lay down beside him and shifted till she felt comfortable. The back of their hands brushed and Jem loosely linked his pinkie finger with hers.

"Maybe one day when I've finished college and I've got a steady job," said Tessa, her face tilted to the side so she could silently observe his face "But not now, not when there's so many other important things to be thinking about"

He smiled serenely, though his eyes did not open "Ever the practical one. Usually people dream about travelling when they're young"

"But that's all they are – dreams. Holidays don't pay for themselves you know,"

He laughed, cracking one eye open to look at her "Well you could always date a millionaire so he could pay for things,"

She nudged his ribs lightly, feeling a sense of smug satisfaction when he still kept their hands linked "I will not be a gold digger Jem!"

"Oh really, then what's your type? Tall, dark and handsome? Or perhaps one of those strong, stoic sorts?"

Jem made it sound like friendly banter but Tessa could hear the undercurrent of seriousness beneath it all. Feeling her heart pound, she swallowed her fears and tried to lighten her tone.

"Actually, I have a thing for men who play the violin"

She could hear the smile in his voice "What else?"

"I also like it when they appreciate my superior baking skills,"

"And?"

"It's also good when they try really hard to like museums and dusty old bookstores," she said before mischeviously adding"I also think it's adorable when they write a diary everyday that they think nobody knows about"

Jem choked, his pale skin staining a bright pink "W-what?" he spluttered.

Tessa giggled "Don't think I haven't seen it! It's not terribly secret if you leave it around like that!"

He looked embarrassed, not quite meeting her eyes "You didn't read it did you?"

"Of course not," said Tessa, getting up on her feet and brushing off the grass from her jeans "But judging from your expression, perhaps I should"

He digressed, taking her proffered hand and getting up himself "Absolutely not"

She let it go, letting him keep one of his mysteries "We better get going, it's starting to get dark"

Jem agreed, reaching down to grab his bag when he started to cough violently, his raised hand covered in an alarming shade of red when he pulled it away. His eyes were screwed tightly shut in pain as he hunched over, the coughs coming quicker and harder now. Tessa raced to his side, her actions panicky and her entire being filled with a dread that made the colour drain from her face at the suddenness of it all.

"Jem, where's your medicine?" she asked in a low authoritative voice, trying to keep the shake in her voice to a minimum for his benefit. He pointed weakly at his bag, his eyes tearing up from the lack of air in his lungs. Tessa ran over to the rug, hurriedly unzipping his backpack and spilling the contents all over the ground. His phone went clattering to the ground, as did his bundled jacket, newly bought book and battered leather wallet. Her hands finally found the bottle of pills and she shook two tiny white tablets out, pressing them into his shaking palms.

He knocked them back with difficulty, the coughs still wracking his thin body into convulsions. Tessa already had her mobile phone in hand, ready to call the hospital when he suddenly stopped, heaving long rasping breaths.

"I'm fine" he choked out, sweat dampening the collar of his collared shirt "I'm fine Tessa"

But he didn't look fine at all. Blood was smeared around his mouth and his eyes were alarmingly bright like he was in a fever. His hands, balled into tight fists were shaking by his side while his chest heaved like he could never get enough oxygen.

"Jem, I think I should call –"

Suddenly, his body crumpled to the ground, his long limbs splaying across half of the tartan picnic rug they had been sitting on earlier. He knocked over their drinks, the light amber colour of ginger beer pooling around his body and soaking his dark grey shirt right to his clammy skin. Tessa cried out in alarm, rushing to kneel by Jem's prone form as she speed dialled the hospital from her mobile phone.

_Jem, please be okay. Please be okay. Please. Please. Please._

She would never forgive herself if something happened to him. She was the one that encouraged him to go out today. She was the one who had put his health at risk when she knew he wasn't well. She would be the one to blame. With shaking hands, she felt his pulse at the side of his neck, feeling the faint flutter of his heartbeat beneath her fingertips with profound relief. _Thank God._

The emergency services finally picked up after 8 excruciatingly slow rings, their voices too calm to Tessa's ears.

"Hello, you have called emergency services. How may I –"

"My friend has collapsed," interrupted Tessa, her voice rising hysterically "He needs immediate medical attention. We're at Victoria Park, please come quickly"

The calm woman on the other end asked her more banal questions about Jem's medical history which she quickly answered. The woman promised that they were already on their way but Tessa wasn't listening, her eyes on Jem who was no longer lying still but appeared to be hallucinating.

He was muttering, the syllables quick and breathy and completely unfamiliar to her. She wondered what he was saying, if she could help ease the pain in some way. But she couldn't – she was completely helpless and at the mercy of time and she _hated_ seeing him like this.

Letting the tears slip down her cheeks, Tessa held tightly onto his hand and prayed that the ambulance would come quicker. She propped his head on her lap, gently smoothing his sweaty strands back in a semblance of comfort. Her murmured assurances seem to do little to help him but he was slightly conscious now though his eyes were half lidded and delirious with the pain. His pupils were dilated, swallowing the ring of silver and chasing away his lucidity.

"Will? Charlotte? What are you doing here?" he muttered, his expression pulled into a frown.

Tessa didn't know quite what to say but she didn't need to say anything at all as the urgent blare of the ambulance sirens rang out through the sparse clearing of the park.

Warm sticky blood was still smeared across her hands when the paramedics came and drove them away.

**Disclaimer**: _I don't own TID or else i would have gone mad from the responsibility of these fictional characters. I also don't own John Green's words from his book 'A Fault in Our Stars' that you may have recognised. Thanks for reading though and let me know what you think (or what you think is going to happen?)!_

_Love,_

_DecoyDream x_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews and general patience with me. I'm only about 60% happy with this chapter but if i relied on myself to perfect it, we would have all long died and fossilised. As always, Cassandra Clare owns TID (i bought the first installment of The Bane Chronicles yesterday! Now to find some time to actually read it...). Also, i was happy that some of you guys commented about the tiny little details that were from Tessa and Jem's relationship in TID like the pinkie holding - good spotting guys! :)**_

**Chapter 5**

Charlotte didn't blame her in the slightest but her kindness and understanding somehow made it worse. She just wished that someone would yell and scream at her, demand to know why she had been so foolish. Tessa craved for something, anything, that didn't make her feel so numb with guilt.

"Would you like some coffee Tessa?"

Tessa mumbled her thanks, avoiding the soft brown gaze of Jem's foster sister. Charlotte Branwell was a petite woman, who radiated strength despite her tiny stature. But now, looking harried and sleep deprived with worry exuding from her every action and word, Charlotte looked so _tired_. Her navy cardigan was rumpled from all the times she had wrung it out of anxiety while her husband Henry systematically gave her very concerned looks from the plastic chair across from them.

"I'm so sorry Mrs Branwell," said Tessa quietly from the umpteenth time, staring into the milky brown liquid.

To Tessa's surprised, Charlotte gave her arm a comforting squeeze "It's not your fault. Jem would have gone no matter what; I suppose he's learned his stubbornness from being friends with Will"

Charlotte gave her a watery smile, before her gaze slid over to the other prone figure in the quiet waiting room.

On more than one occasion, Tessa had thought Will was going to be the one to scream at her. But instead he would just wait outside the door, alternating between pacing and sitting with his back against the wall and his head in his hands. He didn't say a single word to her, not a hello, an explanation or accusations of blame for what had transpired. He just looked at her with those intense dark blue eyes with the most unreadable expression on his face before resuming his pacing. His black hair was wild from all the times he had run his fingers through it, but not once did he leave. He asked the nurse several times in a low voice on Jem's progress, only to be turned away and told to wait once more.

She idly thought about how this was such a terrible time to finally meet the boy Jem had always told her about, but then her brain would kick in again and she would realise how it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Jem was going to be okay and that she would be able to see him again.

Finally, after another tense hour, the door to Jem's room opened and a balding middle aged man appeared. He clicked his fountain pen and stuffed it into his white coat, turning to the small party who had been waiting long into the night.

"You may visit Mr Carstairs, but I must insist on family only. He is still in a critical condition and he needs his rest," he said, addressing Charlotte directly "I'm afraid that other visitations will have to wait to another day"

Tessa didn't mind. She had only stayed to hear whether Jem was really fine. Breathing a sigh of relief, Tessa slipped the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

"Thank you Dr Murphy. I'll come back tomorrow then"

Charlotte halted her, her grip surprisingly strong on Tessa's shoulder "No, stay. I know Jem would like to see you too"

Henry looked like he agreed but Will's eyes sparked fire "The doctor said family only Charlotte,"

Charlotte frowned at Will's outburst "I'm sure that our party of four won't overwhelm him"

"Yes, but I don't want to take chances with Jem's health, unlike _some_ other people today" he replied, his tone scathing. He didn't look at Tessa at all during the exchange but she could feel the heat on her face. She didn't need his comments to feel guiltier as she was doing an excellent job on that all on her own.

Charlotte had an angry retort on her lips but Tessa interrupted, "It's okay Charlotte. I understand. Let him know I'll visit tomorrow?"

Charlotte still looked furious at Will's behaviour but she reluctantly agreed, "I'll let you know if anything happens"

Tessa bid her goodbyes to Henry and Charlotte, steadfastly ignoring Will who had already pushed open the door to Jem's room.

Are you avoiding me?"

Tessa didn't sneak into the ward that day with the intention of sounding accusatory but after four days with no green light from Charlotte, Tessa decided to take matters into her own hands. During the first day, she had understood. Of course Jem needed rest. She could wait one more day. She filled her day worrying about him while baking up a batch of his favourite white chocolate and macadamia cookies so that when she visited him the next day, he could have some.

That was until she got a text message from Charlotte early on in the morning saying that Jem still needed rest as recommended by the doctor. Although slightly put out, Tessa was willing to put Jem's health first. So she dutifully went to school, did her homework then nibbled on the cookies she had baked while watching a mindless reality television show for most of the night until Nate came home half drunk but deliriously happy. Tessa busied herself from her thoughts by taking care of him and leaving water and aspirin by his bedside.

On the third day, just as Tessa had finished her usual volunteer duties at the hospital, she bumped into Will Herondale who was at the vending machine. He looked like he had just finished school – a rumpled blue collared shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and wearing belted black trousers. His eyes, that strangely bright yet dark blue, hadn't seemed to notice her yet and she considered diving behind a cleaning cart just to avoid his cold demeanour and harsh glares. But too late, he had noticed her standing their awkwardly while trying to dislodge a long lock of hair from the buckle on her shoulder bag.

Tessa briefly winced in pain as she felt a few strands of hair being ripped out "Hi"

He frowned though his tone still managed to stay polite "Hi. Tessa is it?"

She nodded though she was certain he knew her name "I'm just on my way to visit Jem actually"

His nimble fingers slid several coins into the machine before pressing a series of numbers. A bottle of soft drink hit the bottom of the machine with a dull thunk.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to today. He just had a minor surgery and is still under anaesthetic. He'll need rest for a few more days."

A familiar sense of disappointment flooded through her at the news but there was something about the way Will spoke that made her distrust him. He almost looked too casual, too sure of himself. There were no giveaways - no flushes of red, fiddling with the hem of his shirt or the raking of hands through hair. He seemed perfectly composed, but his eyes were deliberately blank and guarded.

"I didn't know he had surgery. Is he okay?"

"It wasn't scheduled in advance so he wouldn't have said anything. He's fine for now, very tired though so no visitors,"

"Other than yourself of course," she commented, a hard edge to her tone.

He looked as unflappable as ever "And Charlotte and Henry"

"Right, well I'll leave you to it. Tell Jem I came by wont you?"

Will nodded though Tessa knew he wouldn't do as she asked. Bidding her goodbye, he took off in the other direction, no doubt to stand guard at Jem's room in case Tessa came back. Harbouring her strong suspicions, Tessa purposely detoured around to the nurses' station, smiling slightly when she was greeted with an enthusiastic hello.

"Hello Tessa, what are you doing still here?" asked Maureen, typing furiously on the computer while she looked at Tessa from over the counter.

Tessa placed her bag on the floor, crossing her arms over the surface "I was just going to visit my friend Mr Carstairs when I was told that he had minor surgery today," she said, pointedly looking at the nurse.

Maureen's typing faltered as she stopped and adjusted her thin, black rimmed glasses. Sliding back in her computer chair, she pulled open the filing cabinet and rifled through a few yellowing manila folders "Mr Carstairs wasn't scheduled for surgery today," she said, "Who told you that?"

Tessa tried to smile though it came out as more of a grimace. She thanked Maureen and bid her goodbye, walking out of the hospital and towards the bus stop. Huddled against the freezing winds, Tessa drew her jacket around her closer as she pondered over what had transpired. Why would Charlotte and Will lie to her? Or did Jem tell them to? Had something changed between them that Tessa didn't realise?

Tessa was still wondering all these things when she stood beside Jem's bed with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. She was prepared to demand why Will and Charlotte were conspiring together to stop her from visiting and she was prepared to fight against his complete resignation to his condition. Unless Jem directly ordered her away, she would not go. Because that was who Jem was; he was so selfless that he would rather suffer alone than have his friends and family suffer because of him.

He didn't seem to notice the anger in her voice. With some difficulty, he opened his eyes and rubbed at them weakly with the heel of his palm "Tessa, you're finally here. I was thinking that you gave up on me"

Tessa's retort died on her lips as she registered his words. Gave up on him? Frowning, Tessa pushed a chair over to his bedside, all the fight in her ebbing away "What do you mean by 'finally' I'm here?"

He looked sheepish, "I just thought you might have visited me sooner that's all.. In hindsight, it was presumptuous. I have a habit of doing that actually..."

For a brief moment, Tessa saw the boyish embarrassment in Jem again. The way his cheeks would grow pink while he avoided her eyes. It was almost endearing enough to forget how much his condition had worsened since that day in the park. His skin was so pale; it was verging on being translucent. She could see the threading of veins beneath the surface, pulsing weakly and echoing the beeping on the machine next to her. She slid her hand into his, squeezing and realising that she could feel the bones beneath her fingertips.

"Of course I wanted to visit. Charlotte and Will told me that you were not allowed visitors"

He looked thoughtful for a moment, before a tiny smile touched his lips "Ah, of course they said that. Trying to save both you and me more heartbreak, no doubt"

Tessa felt furious again, though she had suspected it all along. "They lied to me?!"

Jem's silver eyes flickered over to her, his face tired and worn "They probably thought it was for the best. We both know I haven't got long now,"

"Don't say that," countered Tessa automatically, her tone defensive.

He had that same sort of eerie calmness on his face from whenever he spoke of his own demise "It's true though,"

Tessa felt like something had lodged itself into her throat. She had been looking forward to seeing him for the last few days. She thought they would go back to their routine of eating cake, playing cards and stealing tapioca pudding cups. But now that she was here, she realised that things had changed. She had known since the beginning what was to come and Jem had reminded her in the bookstore that day. However, some tiny, optimistic part of her use to think that all her tomorrows would be full of Jem, but now she realised that there was no guarantee of tomorrow anymore. He would be gone one day soon, and just like that day in the park, there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening.

Tessa blinked back tears and turned her attention to Jem who looked quiet and thoughtful "What are you thinking about?" she asked quietly.

He was staring at the ceiling, tracing the cracks with his eyes "Promises"

She cocked her head, remembering what they had said in that tiny bookstore "What about them?"

He turned to look at her, his expression serious "Could you promise me something?"

She answered resolutely, "Anything, Jem."

**Another A/N because I can: What do you guys think Jem is making Tessa do? And just in case you're wondering, i don't dislike Will at all. It just seemed to fit in with his character (i.e. caring for Jem above all others). As always, thanks for reading and drop and review on your thoughts!**

**Much love,**

**DecoyDream x**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_As always, a huge thank you to those who review! (Especially those who do so every chapter to let me know what you think - I love you as much as a stranger can love another without it being creepy!). I also found it interesting that several of you lovely readers though Jem would make Tessa promise to look after Will. I admit that i briefly contested with that idea but my poor Jessa heart could not do it (not the mention the fact that Will and Tessa barely have any interaction in this story...). _

**Chapter 6**

If Tessa had known what Jem was asking, she would have said no.

No, no, not in a million years, no.

But he had asked her with his hand in hers and his eyes soft and silver, catching her unawares. She had agreed before realising what the implications of a promise would be.

So it was with a heavy heart and a batch of homemade oatmeal cookies (there wasn't much he could stomach anymore) when Tessa approached Jem's room the next day. She paused outside the door, memorising the number and the little plastic rectangular box that held the folder with Jem's name written at the top. She looked through the frosted glass window, seeing the distorted light filtering in through from the room within. She noticed the tiny scuff on the wood, remembering when she got too overexcited with her book cart and consequently ran into the door, much to Jem's amusement.

She let herself feel the pleasant warmth that the memory brought, savouring it while she could. It would be the last time she would come into this room to visit. Out of all the things he could have asked of her, he had made her promise the most difficult thing of them all.

Steadying herself, she gently knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before going in. Jem was still in bed, though it looked like he had made some effort to prepare for her visit.

Her last visit.

He was propped up against the cushions, leaning heavily to one side so that he wouldn't disrupt the tubing he was connected to. He looked even more ill then yesterday, but a tiny wane smile was in place and he had brushed his fine silver hair to the side. Tessa could almost pretend that this was just like the many times she had visited if it were not for the sadness behind his eyes.

"Hey Jem," said Tessa, trying to sound much more cheerful than she felt. It ended up sounding rather strangled and awkward but Tessa ploughed on "I've brought you some cookies."

"Thanks. I'll eat them later."

Tessa's gaze travelled over to his bedside table where a tray of breakfast and lunch remained untouched save for the absence of a juice cup. She worried over when he had last eaten and resolved to at least make him nibble on some cookies while she was there.

While she was distracted, Jem had materialised a small package out of nowhere. Upon her look of confusion, he held it out to her.

"A present," he said before clarifying as Tessa had not moved "For you."

Tessa pretended to scowl, even though she was very interested in what the present was.

"Must you upstage me Carstairs? First it was musical talent and dashing good looks but now present giving too?"

That earned a laugh from Jem who looked less nervous then before "To be fair, I think you are dashingly good looking too. Now, just open it!"

Tessa walked over, seating herself in the familiar chair that she often occupied on her visits. Taking the gift with a mumble of thanks, Tessa unwrapped the plain brown paper to reveal a small, dark wooden box. Feeling for the tiny brass clasp, she opened the box to look at what was inside.

Cushioned against a deep burgundy piece of soft material was a beautiful necklace made of a strange green stone lightly marbled with veins of white. The centre of it was hollowed out for a tiny circular plate of gold, etched with Chinese characters that she did not recognise.

Jem translated it for her, his eyes intent on her face.

"_When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze"_

Tessa was still momentarily speechless, lifting the necklace out by its delicate, thin gold chain and holding the pendant up to the light.

She eventually recovered, turning to look at him "I can't accept this Jem. It's far too much,"

"It was my mothers, given to her by my father when they got engaged. The only time she didn't wear it was when they were in that car accident. I thought that maybe it could be a good luck charm for you,"

"But surely you should give it to Charlotte..?"

Jem shook his head "I want you to have it Tessa. Think of it as… think of it as something to remember me by."

He had looked like he was going to say something else but Tessa didn't press him for details. "I don't need help remembering you," she said quietly, smoothing her thumb over the cool stone.

Jem leaned forward, enfolding her hand that held the necklace with his larger ones and looking very serious "Well think of it as a contingency plan if your gold digging plans fall through,"

Tessa gasped in partial surprise before it dissolved into shocked laughter.

"Jem! How many times do I have to tell you that I _do not_ have gold digging plans? And I certainly won't be selling your mother's jewellery!"

Jem grinned with some effort, happy to see that Tessa was not nearly as morose looking as before "I know you won't. But just the same, accept the present okay?"

Tessa smiled, letting go of his hands and getting up so she could hug him properly. Looping her arms over his shoulders, she squeezed gently, smelling the clean soapy scent of his shampoo.

"Thank you Jem,"

The span of his palms rested loosely on her lower back, the cold from his skin seeping through her thin jumper "You're welcome Tessa."

The rest of the afternoon passed with a deceptive normalcy. They played a few rounds of 'Big 4' (Which was a new card game that Jem had introduced her too. She swore that he had purposely lost just to make her feel a little less hopeless at the game) before settling down on blankets laid on the floor and a laptop propped up in front of them. They watched a variety of terrible sitcoms and ridiculous game shows before Tessa discovered a folder on his hard drive compiled of home videos made by him and Will. With a fair amount of prodding, Tessa finally got Jem to agree to watch them. Tessa giggled while Jem grinned with a twinge of embarrassment, watching rocky footage of a young, round faced Will Herondale swing a plastic cutlass while his swashbuckling accomplice with silvery black hair helped him rescue the damsel in distress (who was Charlotte in an uncharacteristically frilly dress).

Their endless laughter and commotion had eventually tired Jem out, making Tessa force him back into bed despite his numerous protests. Lying back against the lumpy pillow, he turned his head to the side so he could see Tessa beside him who was smoothing and arranging the blankets with practiced ease. The evidence of his laughter had long dissipated, leaving behind a stark seriousness that was unsettling.

He was quiet for a moment before his eyes flickered over to the slightly dusty wooden case in the corner that he hadn't opened for almost an entire week.

"I broke my promise to you," whispered Jem, his tone heavy with fatigue.

Tessa carefully sank down onto the mattress of the hospital bed, being careful to avoid the plastic tubes that hooked him up to the machines "What promise?"

"I can't even play the violin for you anymore," he murmured, his voice so quiet that Tessa had to lean in to hear.

She blinked back the tears, bringing their hands to her lips "It doesn't matter Jem, you'll be able to when you get better. Just get some rest,"

He grimaced, a flash of pain crossing his near colourless complexion "I'll have an eternity of resting. Just stay with me. Please"

Tessa nodded, wordlessly keeping their hands linked as she settled down into a horizontal position on the single bed.

"Do you want me to read to you?"

The corners of his lips quirked upwards though his eyes had already drifted shut.

"Will always read to me though I must admit that I prefer you as my ministering angel,"

The tenderness in his tone prompted Tessa to wonder about the Herondale boy. She had noticed how close they were; they were brothers in every sense other than blood. Too many times she had wondered how someone as abrasive as Will could be friends with a boy as gentle and loving as Jem but she never thought about what would happen to Will when Jem was gone. If Tessa felt like her world was collapsing around her when she had barely known Jem for a few months, how would Will feel when his best friend was gone? For the first time, Tessa felt sympathy for the dark haired boy.

"I think Will would have made a terrific ministering angel. Didn't you say that he had a habit of inventing the most wonderful songs?"

"I wouldn't call them 'wonderful' per se. More like 'horrible' or 'traumatising' or 'headache inducing'"

Tessa giggled, pressing her face against the soft cotton of his shoulder as she felt the slight tremors of his laughter.

"Fair enough then. I'll be your far superior ministering angel today and I promise not to sing," announced Tessa, shifting slightly so she could reach into her bag. Pulling out four different slim novels, she recited the names off each "Now what would you like me to read?"

Jem was silent for such a long time that Tessa had almost thought he had fallen asleep. When he finally spoke, he sounded too far away.

"The Hobbit. It seems oddly appropriate since we've come full circle since our first meeting,"

Tessa obliged, removing the scrap of paper that she had put there on the first day and reading on with a quiet and steady voice. She read while she occasionally glanced at Jem beside her, watching his features change infinitesimally when she would do silly character voices. She read even when she felt his lips brush her forehead with a gentle pressure that made her breath hitch. She continued to read long after his breathing had evened out and the sun had sunken beneath the horizon. She only stopped reading once her voice had turned rough and her eyes grew tired from the tiny script. Putting down the book on the bedside table, Tessa carefully eased herself out of the bed so that she wouldn't wake him up.

There was no denying that she wanted to stay, but the longer she waited, the harder it would be. If she didn't leave now, she never would.

Feeling the hot tears pool in her eyes, Tessa leaned over and softly kissed Jem on the cheek. He didn't stir, his fluttering breaths shallow but consistent. Perhaps it was better this way. At least they were not saying anything as final as goodbye. At least the last memory he had of her was a happy one.

Placing one hand over her heart where the jade pendant now rested, she gave his prone form a watery smile. She felt like she should say something but she couldn't form the words through the lump in her throat. Even if she could break the silence, what would she say? That she'll miss him terribly? That she wished his sickness wouldn't take him away so soon?

Even in her mind she knew that was selfish. It wasn't Jem's fault that this was happening to him. It wasn't as though he deserved such a short life. If anything, Tessa was thankful in a strange way. If Jem hadn't been sick, then Tessa would never have met him that Sunday afternoon. She wouldn't have gotten to meet the boy who would make everyday feel brighter and better just by being there with her.

Wiping her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her jumper, Tessa finally decided on what she was going to say. It was clear now but it had been all along. She wasn't sure when it began; whether it was the look of amusement that flittered across his features as she dropped the book on their first meeting or whether it was when he played the violin for her weeks later. It could have been that day in the bookstore when he quoted John Green to her, or when he talked about taking her to Shanghai. Or perhaps it was a collection of all these things: hours, days and months spent together until she couldn't imagine a future without Jem or Jem without a future.

Reaching out a shaky hand, Tessa smoothed the silky silver hair away from his forehead with a feather light touch. In this last moment, she imagined what his reaction would be if he was awake. His eyes would turn that beautiful light silvery colour like when he was happy and pink would tinge his cheeks. He would hug her with his wiry strength till she could barely breathe and then he'll say it back.

But then she remembered where she was – a bleak, dark hospital room with Jem unconscious and oblivious to her musings. He'll never know.

She let her hand fall away, already missing the feverish heat that his skin radiated.

_"I love you, James Carstairs."_

And then she left, feeling numb the entire way home till the floodgates opened when Nate asked her what was wrong.

**A/N: **_I'm sure you guys would have noticed some little specific details from TID in this chapter (the part about the ministering angel, the idea of them coming 'full circle' and the jade pendant) so insert the regular disclaimer here ;)_

_Also, as you can tell probably tell, this story is winding down - there's probably only one or two more chapters left to go! :( I wanted to ask though - would you guys be interested in bonus material/outtakes for this story? (i.e. other perspectives, things that happen outside of Tessa's point of view, mini adventures etc). As always, let me know what you think about this chapter and the question i just posed for you! Thank you all so much for reading :)_

_DecoyDream x_


	7. Chapter 7 & Epilogue

**A/N:** Here is where we part my lovely readers. Enjoy both chapter 7 and the epilogue all at once! (because I'm not quite cruel enough to make you guys wait even _longer_ than I have already). Also, I made up a 'cover image' for this story - I know it's no Picasso but it'll do for now ;)

**Chapter 7**

She was 9 days into her promise when she realised she couldn't do it any longer. It was too hard staying away, purposely skirting around that ward on her volunteer days so she wouldn't give in to temptation. It was too hard, knowing that Jem may be breathing his last breaths without her hand to hold or her voice to send him into a dreamless sleep. She should be there, next to him and with Will, Charlotte and Henry. Not in the storage room of the hospital with her chin on her propped up knees and an abandoned book cart in the corridor outside.

Swiping the tears furiously from her face, she took a few deeps breaths before shakily getting up. It had been hell for the last week and a half, where she filled her days with worry. Nate tried to help by staying at home more, but there was little he could do or stay to lift Tessa from her miserable mood.

They would be watching television or silently eating dinner when he would see her fidgeting with the jade necklace she had taken to wearing lately. He never questioned her about it, knowing that it came from the mysterious boy she had met at the hospital. He only knew what the boy looked like after snooping about in Tessa's room while she was out at school. He didn't look like much to Nate judging from the picture by her bedside – all awkward angles, gangly limbs and a strange light colouring to his hair and eyes. But he supposed that the boy must have made quite the impression on his little sister because he hadn't seen her like this since their parent's deaths years ago. He stared at the picture, his grey eyes grazing over their goofy grins and wondering what happened to him – whether he broke his little sister's heart, or she broke his. He had put the photo frame back down, deciding that perhaps it was more likely that they were torn apart by his sickness like some sordid love story. In the end, he didn't know and he didn't ask, but he watched as she twirled the round, flat stone around her fingers while hoping that the little memento gave her more comfort than he could provide.

Composing herself the best she could, she unlocked the storage room and stepped outside, leaving the cart pushed to a side. Tessa's quick footsteps echoed along the linoleum floors, and before she knew it, she was almost running to his room. She rounded the corner, a smile starting to form on her face as she expected the scene behind the door. Jem lying on his bed, his face drawn but still happy to see her. Charlotte might be fussing over him, pulling blankets tightly around him or attempting to spoon feed him food despite his refusals. Or maybe Will was there, quietly reading in the corner while his startlingly blue eyes would watch his best friend like a hawk.

Tessa slowed down at her approach, her brows knitting in confusion. This was the right door wasn't it? The second to the left and next to the hideous pot plant? She came closer, walking through the door that was always closed and looked around the familiar space.

It was the same room, with the same view through the window and overlooking the courtyard. She saw the old armchair in the corner stained with the tea she had spilt and the scratch on the bedside drawer from the time Jem had accidentally flung a butter knife across the room. She recognised the rip in the fluttering gauzy curtains that had been a result of her clumsiness and the almost imperceptible pencilled in Chinese character that he had written beneath a loose flap of the sagging floral wallpaper.

All these little things were still there but the room was empty. His jacket was not draped over the foot of his bed. His beautifully crafted violin case was not perfectly placed beside his wardrobe. There were no stacks of DVD cases from the times they had watched terrible sitcoms together in the early evenings. But the most noticeable thing that was missing was Jem.

Everything that he had owned was gone and stripped away, leaving behind an empty shell of a hospital room so much like the countless others she has seen before. The bed was bare and the sheets clean and starched, the ends tucked underneath the mattress. The wardrobes were wide and empty, airing out or waiting for another patient's belongings to take its place. Even the table which use to be piled high full of papers, magazines and his laptop was gone with the surfaces freshly dusted and cleaned.

There were no more notes, letters or explanations to be said as he had left nothing behind. She thought she would have felt something at this realisation, perhaps a terrible constricting pain that strangled her heart and squeezed her soul until she couldn't breathe. But she didn't feel anything, couldn't even think of anything other than the fact that she was too late and he was gone, leaving her alone in a room full of empty promises and a cold jade pendant nestled against her heart.

**Epilogue – 5 years later**

Tessa shot out of bed, disorientated for a moment before realising she was no longer in her dormitories at university. A barely furnished apartment greeted her, cardboard boxes still lying around and doubling as furniture for the time being. The only sign of her living there was her shelf full of perfectly alphabetically placed books and two framed photos that dangled crookedly from the wall: one of her family when she was a few years old and another of her and a certain smiling silver haired boy.

Jem.

The slight ache in her chest still managed to throb every single time she thought of him.

It wasn't easy in the beginning but when days slowly morphed to months then years, Tessa began to realise that perhaps it was all a bittersweet memory. She never heard from Charlotte, Henry or Will, and even though she had pestered the staff at The Institute to no end, they couldn't tell her anything in fear of breaching doctor-patient confidentiality. Every time she would investigate, it would be a dead end filled with pitying glances. It was like he never existed.

Things got slightly better when she went to university. Caught in the vicious cycle of classes, work and assignments, Tessa found that the only time she could think about him was during the depths of the night. She would wonder whether he was happy that she got into the degree she wanted; or whether he was looking disapprovingly from above, scowling every time she would decline a social outing or a night out with her classmates. But her friends at university never stopped trying, and eventually she caved. Her small timid smiles became real and she could laugh again. It was hesitant but it was a start, and Tessa was grateful. But there were times when she swore she had seen him. A flash of silver behind a booth at the local café, or a faint whiff of the soap he liked to use. But every time, she was never quite fast enough and soon she realised that maybe it wasn't real. That maybe she should stop clinging to hope, because there was none left.

Frowning, Tessa's eyes continued to habitually linger on that picture in the semi darkness, while idly wondering what had woken her up. She swore she had heard something, a crinkle of paper or a scuffling of shoes outside her door. It wouldn't have been surprising though - her neighbours had a penchant for late night ventures, coming back in the early evening and drunk out of their minds. More than once, she had found them mistaking her apartment for theirs and in their stupor, had passed out right on her doormat. Torn between exasperation and amusement, Tessa would leave a bottle of water next to their unconscious forms before running to the bus to avoid being late to work.

Swinging her legs out of bed, she stretched her limbs and batted aside the stiff curtains. The sun had just begun to creep up over the horizon but Tessa could already tell it was going to be another cloudy and miserable day. Putting on some quiet music and the kettle for tea, Tessa took her time getting ready.

***  
Tessa wasn't sure how she did it considering she had several hours to get ready that morning, but she somehow managed to be running late - again.

Knotting the navy scarf around her neck and pinning a section of her still damp hair back, Tessa grabbed her bag and raced out the door only to realise that she had knocked something over on her doorstep.

Surprisingly, it was not the prone body of one of her wandering neighbours. Instead, lying on her prickly brown doormat was a plain rectangular brown parcel, with a small white card taped on top. Curious, she picked it up, ignoring the fact that she was probably going to be yelled at by her boss. Flipping open the stiff cardboard, her interest grew exponentially at the short sentence written in neat script.

"Tessa, Please meet me at 5:00 PM at the Victoria Park Village bookstore"

Her heart hammered in her chest as she recognised the handwriting. Slanted to the right and always with a fine tipped black pen, she remembered lines upon lines of this writing that filled the crevices of the hospital room.

But what did that mean? If she was right then...

Tucking the card into her coat pocket hastily, Tessa willed her trembling fingers to peel back the paper on the parcel. Sliding a finger underneath a fold, she widened the opening and pulled the rectangular object out with ease.

A hardcover green book lay between her hands, the curling gold script along the spine slightly faded from time and use. Even without reading the title, Tessa recognised the book instantly. She remembered that afternoon so long ago, full of promises, happiness and blind panic. She remembered telling him not to get this book because there was no happy ending for anyone.

But as she felt the fabric covered cardboard beneath her hands, she wondered whether there could be a happy ending for them. What if he were still alive? Even though the more realistic part of Tessa knew it was almost impossible, she couldn't let the idea go. How else would this book wound up on her doorstep?

She let her mind wander; imagining the possibility that he was still alive and well. He would be waiting there for her, a little bit older but still the same Jem with moonlight behind his eyes and the sun reflecting from his hair. He would smile at her, the shy half grin that she loved, and she wouldn't know what to do. Hug him because she missed him so much? Or punch him for not letting her know he was alive? Would she forget about the dark months that followed her last trip to his hospital room? Or would she not care because Jem would be there, real and solid in front of her, and that would be all that mattered?

Letting the hope bloom in her chest, Tessa unlocked the door to her tiny apartment and messaged her friend from work. She wasn't going to work today.

Tessa Gray felt like an idiot.

A late idiot.

It made absolutely no sense that after spending an entire day at home, she still managed to lack punctuality. She hadn't even been doing anything terribly productive either – just a frantic routine of trying on various outfits and watching bad day time TV in efforts to calm herself down. After a few hours of wandering around her tiny apartment, she even headed downstairs to the local Asian grocery store to buy a can of sweetened red bean paste out of curiosity. Digging out her utensils and coppery bowls from her half unpacked cardboard boxes, she attempted to incorporate the sweet reddish gloop into cupcakes (they turned out strange, so she binned them and made vanilla with red bean frosting instead). Taking an inordinate amount of time decorating the cake, she snacked on the spares before realising that it was already 4:30 and she now possibly had a frosting moustache. Cleaning herself up quickly, she dragged a brush through her long dark hair and changed into a pair of clean jeans and a well worn dark blue jumper. Grabbing the small white box on her kitchen counter and her handbag, she bolted out the door and waved down a bus just in time.

Leaning against the side of the bus, Tessa stared out the window while fidgeting nervously with the frayed hem of her jumper. What if Jem wasn't there? What if it were Will, Charlotte or Henry waiting there to confirm all her fears? Would they direct her to where his grave was located so she could place flowers there every Sunday like a widow? Or did they have something to return to her that they accidentally packed 5 years ago when they left so suddenly?

Spying the familiar street sign, Tessa fumbled to press the button to stop the bus. Getting up from her seat near the front, she smoothed down her clothes and took a deep breath. Giving the bus driver a smile and a word of thanks, she hopped off the bus and narrowly dodged a large puddle of muddy water. Quickening her strides, she ducked underneath the cover that the small row of shops provided to avoid the rain that began to pour. Pulling up her sleeve, she glanced at her watch, realising that she was almost 20 minutes late. A cold feeling of dread seeped through her clothes and to her skin – what if he had already left?

Gently pushing past huddled crowds, Tessa wove her way through while protecting the box clasped in her hands. Pausing outside the peeling maroon paint of the doorway, she pushed the door open before any of her earlier doubts could catch up with her.

She vaguely heard the bell chime at her arrival but all she could think was that she was too late. _Again_. The shop was almost empty, with just a few stragglers shopping for books before closing time. She peered around the rows of bookshelves, her panic growing with every second. He wasn't here! Turning around the last corner, Tessa readied herself for disappointment but then she saw something out of the corner of her eye that made her heart stutter and her footfalls stall.

It was Jem.

Dressed in dark jeans and a light grey shirt while leaning against the windowsill, Tessa could only see his profile as he looked out the rain spattered window. He looked a little bit taller but almost the same save for the slight pink colour that tinged the tip of his nose from the cold outside. The longer she stood there staring, she realised just how much healthier he looked. The delicate bones that once protruded from his wrists had receded, and the sallow quality from his skin had dissipated completely. His silvery hair was slightly longer so it hung over his eyes but it was the same shade that she had never forgotten.

Suddenly he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone, his smooth features arranging themselves into a frown as he was undoubtedly checking the time. Feeling like it was time to make herself known, she stepped out from the shadows until she was a few steps away from him. Not trusting her own voice, she waited until he noticed her standing there.

Glancing out the window once more, Jem turned to leave just as he laid eyes on Tessa. His eyes, a dark but luminous silver glowed as he saw her, his face splitting into a wide smile as he took her in.

"Tessa" he breathed, his tone filled with such longing that it made Tessa feel weightless inside "I had no idea whether you would come. Will said you wouldn't because I'm a jerk for keeping the procedure away from you, which is really saying something considering it is _Will_ that said that but-"

He stopped midway through his rant, the look of happiness on his face disappearing abruptly when he saw that she wasn't coming any closer. Taking carefully measures steps, he approached slowly before stopping just in front of her while she continued to look at him with an alarming lack of expression.

"Tessa? Are you mad at me?""

His eyes were wide and unsure, a tiny crease forming between his brows at her continued silence.

It was so ridiculously adorable that Tessa had to fight hard to keep her expression neutral. She was so tempted to smile, to let him know that despite everything, she wasn't _really_ mad. That all she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around him and breathe him in just to make sure that he was _real_. And she would, but not yet.

Making an effort not to let her hands shake, she held out the small white box towards him with a blank expression. Glancing at the box and then her empty expression with a look of profound confusion, he reached for it with those familiar long fingers and took it from her. She watched as he opened the lid of the box, biting the inside of her mouth to keep herself from grinning as he let out a short bark of surprised laughter which shook his tall frame.

On top of the swirl of red bean frosting, Tessa had handcrafted a tempered chocolate plaque with a few words piped in white chocolate. Jem lifted the cupcake from the box, inspecting her handiwork with a grin on his face.

"Next time… call me maybe?" he read, his tone filled with amusement "Tessa, please tell me that your music taste hasn't deteriorated this badly since we last met"

Tessa resisted the urge to both punch him and kiss him at the same time. It felt far too good to hear his laugh and teasing (even if it were directed at her) tone again.

"Shut it Carstairs. Why didn't you call me?"

He placed the cupcake safely back into its box before sitting it on a nearby shelf.

"Well, I was kind of hoping that your first words to me would not be 'Shut it Carstairs' but clearly I'm too optimistic…" he mused quietly.

Tessa couldn't quite find it in herself to be annoyed by his sudden bout of snarky attitude "You've been hanging around with Will too much," she said wryly.

"Well, he did come with me to Shanghai"

"What were you doing in Shanghai?" demanded Tessa, the feelings of betrayal and anger beginning to quickly seep through her relief at seeing him.

"There was a treatment there for me. It was still a trial at that stage but I willing to do anything," replied Jem, his tone even.

Tessa struggled to keep the bite out of her tone "How long have you been healed?"

He heard the strain in her voice "The treatment took 3 years so I've been fully healed for 2"

Feeling the dam of emotions open up, she couldn't stop the words that she had hoped to save for a later conversation come forth.

"Why didn't you tell me you were fine?" Tessa said, her tone half exasperated and half furious "I was so worried! It's been five years Jem! Five years with not even an e-mail or call from you! No explanation or anything, not even when you knew that you were cured! You can't just appear back in my life again as if those five years didn't happen. For all you know, I've moved on- "

He stopped her, grabbing her wrists to stop her from waving them around "Have you moved on?"

His tone was so quiet and serious that it caught her anger off guard. "What?"

He released her as though it burned "I mean, I understand if you have moved on. Five years is a long time and I get that. It was stupid for me to assume that nothing had changed between us. I'm sorry Tessa, for everything and for putting you in the weird position where I'm kind of telling you how I feel-"

Tessa couldn't help the hysterical giggle that bubbled in her throat or the full blown bout of laughter at Jem's incredulous expression. Her posture softened and she felt the anger fade away at his earnestness. She didn't quite forgive him for not telling her sooner but she realised that there was something infinitely more important that he was trying (and failing) to tell her. And she had waited so long to hear it, that her yelling could wait for another time.

In answer to his continued confusion, Tessa clarified: "You're an idiot Jem Carstairs"

"I am?" he said with inflection, looking slightly dazed from her abrupt mood swings.

She smiled, inching closer to him until she could almost feel the heat radiating from him "Yes, the most thick-headed and oblivious idiot I've ever had the fortune to meet"

The confusion didn't quite leave his expression though a small grin started to tug at the side of his mouth "I'm not completely sure if that's a compliment or not"

"Neither do I," said Tessa, "But I know for sure that you are quite possibly the worst at expressing your feelings if that was what you were trying to do earlier."

The tips of his ears turned red in embarrassment "I've never been good with words. That was always more of Will's thing."

Tessa turned her head and exaggeratedly looked around the tiny bookstore "Well, your violin doesn't seem to be here so you'll just have to improvise," she quipped with a smug smile on her face.

He took a deep breath, staring into her eyes with an intensity that left her breathless "Wo ai ni, Tessa"

Her voice came out as little more than a whisper "What does that mean?"

"That your hair is an absolute mess"

Tessa repeatedly punched him in the arm till he yielded through both of their uncontrollable laughter. Sobering up, Jem wiped away the happy tears from his eyes and wound his arms around Tessa's waist as she placed hers around his neck.

She looked up expectedly, her fingers brushing against the soft hairs at the nape of neck and waiting for him to continue. He smiled down at her, his eyes soft as he watched her expression in the light of the setting sun.

"It means 'I love you' Tessa," he murmured, his tone low and urgent as though he had been waiting an eternity to say those words "And it's true. It's as true as it is today to that fateful day over five years ago. I've never forgotten you and I want to be with you for longer than however long eternity is. I would have told you all this before but I couldn't while knowing that I won't be able to promise you more than a day at a time. But things are different now, and I want to make a thousand promises to you that I know I can keep. So if you love me too Tessa, despite the fact that I'm half a decade late in asking, will you be my girlfriend?"

"For someone who's not good with words, you did pretty well actually" said Tessa in a tiny voice.

"So is that a yes?" asked Jem, genuine worry leaking into his tone despite the fact that Tessa was grinning like a mad woman.

Tessa pulled his face towards hers, the look of utter happiness on her face reflecting back at her from his silver eyes "Of course, you silly dolt!"

Leaning forward, she gently melded her lips to his, smiling into the kiss as he eventually responded with a heated fervency that surprised her. Feeling his palms press against her ribs like fire, he pulled her closer to him until all she could think of was the sensation of his warm lips moving beneath hers and the enticing way he would-

"_Ahem"_

Tessa and Jem broke apart quickly, their wild-eyed look amusing the elderly bookshop owner though her tone was reprimanding.

"The store is closing now, so if you'd like to take your… _activities_ outside?"

Jem's face flushed with pink while Tessa stumbled over her apology "S-so sorry! We lost track of time-"

"Yes, evidently" said the owner dryly "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Jem and Tessa understood, ducking their heads in embarrassment though their matching grins told quite a different story. Entwining their hands, the bookshop owner watched as they hurriedly left the shop and into the pouring rain outside.

She was just about to walk over to lock the door when the young man barrelled in, his strangely silver eyes bright and warm as he beamed at her look of confusion.

"I came back for the cupcake" he added as way of explanation before grabbing the white box from the shelf and sprinting back out to meet the young woman. Tessa grinned at him, snatching the box from his hands and checking to see if the cupcake was damaged. Tangling her fingers with his, she looked back at the old bookshop with a thoughtful expression.

"What's wrong Tessa?" asked the silver haired boy, his gaze trailing after hers.

"You do know that we can never come here again right? I'm so mortified that I can never look that woman in the eye again"

Jem laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly "Well, now we have plenty of time to find new favourite spots right?"

She nodded, leaning against his shoulder "For longer than eternity?"

He squeezed her cold hand before pressing his lips to her forehead.

"For longer than eternity" he agreed.

**THE END.**

**A/N: **And it's done! I'm sorry about the almost 2 month wait but uni was crazy and I just finished up my last assessment on Friday and then my birthday was yesterday (turned 21!) so I haven't had time till tonight. I can't believe I've actually finished a multi chaptered fiction! (well it's only 7 chapters but still!) But it's all thanks to you guys who bother to read, review and favourite. So a massive thank you to you all for your encouragement and shared investment/ interest in these lovely characters that Cassie Clare has invented :)

And as for this story, there may be some extras in the future so feel free to put this on story alert so you know when that comes along :)

DFTBA guys! ;)

- DecoyDream x


	8. Extras 1- Steady Flame

**A/N**: As promised, here is a little bonus chapter for you. It is set a year before the epilogue and four years after the 'last chapter' (I hope that makes sense). Enjoy! :)

* * *

**Bonus Chapter – Steady Flame**

The two boys looked over the railing, their contrasting hair whipping violently in the wind. They watched the Huangpu River swirl darkly beneath them, shimmering reflections of light dotting the rapidly changing surface. Across the boardwalk was the famous Oriental Pearl Tower, standing tall and alight with shades of purple and pink. Behind them, chatter filled the night as other pink-nosed patrons took to walking along the famous wharves that stretched alongside the river and the gold illuminated stone buildings.

Shanghai was an odd mix of old and new, and while Jem felt so very _alive_ in this city, he hadn't considered it to be home for a very long time. He longed for the smoggy London mornings, brisk with cold and churning winds. He missed the shiny black London cabs and the candy apple red telephone boxes. But most of all, he missed the people. Certain people who were his family, with the addition of someone else who he could never forget…

Will turned his head to the side, his black scarf flapping wildly in the wind "You should call her"

Jem didn't bother to feign confusion as he wrapped his gloved hands around the cold metal railing "I know"

Will's dark blue eyes bored into the side of his best friend's "Then why do I not see a mobile phone in your hand right now?"

Jem deflected the cutting edge of Will's voice with practised ease "It's not that simple"

"Well, first of all, you put your hand into you pocket and then you feel around for the rectangular electronic thing-"

"You know that's not what I meant" interrupted Jem with a frown on his face "I know I should call her, but then what? What if I'm expecting too much from her? What if she's moved on? What if, a few years from now, my illness comes back? I can't put her through that again, not for me"

Will looked unexpectedly morose when Jem finally turned to look at him.

"You would be surprised by the lengths that people would go to for you Jem," he replied with a nonchalance that didn't match his expression.

Jem's frown deepened. He knew exactly how much people sacrificed for him. At the first possibility of treatment, Will packed up his belongings and used his limited amount of savings to go with Jem to Shanghai. Leaving his little sister Cecily in the care of Charlotte and Henry, he left behind his home without any hesitation. Despite all of his protests, Will was stubborn when it came to Jem and his health. He didn't care that he wouldn't have enough money for university and he didn't mind that he was leaving everything behind for a friend who had no guarantee of surviving the costly treatment.

Will glanced at Jem once he noticed his extended silence. Correctly interpreting his friend's countenance, he let out a loud sigh.

"Jem, don't even start your guilt trip" demanded Will, shoving his frozen hands into the pockets of his duffel coat.

"But-"

"No 'buts' James Carstairs. I know that you would have done the same thing for me"

"Which part? The whole travelling across the world thing where you don't speak a lick of the language? Or the part where you give up all your life and savings to come here?"

"You _are_ a part of my life Jem. Do you think I could sit happily at home if I knew you were alone here?"

A small smile bloomed on Jem's face at Will's words. For all the stupid and ridiculous things that his best friend spouted, he could be incredibly sentimental and well meaning-

"And I do know some mandarin!" added Will before Jem could finish his train of thought "nǎlǐ yǒu xǐshǒujiān!"

Jem looked confused for a moment while he processed the translation in his head "'Where is the nearest toilet?'"

Will grinned, a self-satisfied look saturating his face "See, I told you that I knew mandarin!"

"Knowing one phrase hardly constitutes as knowing an entire language" commented Jem wryly, his eyes alight with amusement.

Will shrugged, his shoulders tense from the cold "I may not be _completely_ fluent in mandarin-" Jem rolled his eyes "But I do know a few things, such as the fact that Tessa is not going to be pleased if you don't even tell her _you're alive _after 4 years!"

"I will tell her eventually Will. Just not now, not when there's so much uncertainty"

"Uncertainty for you or from her?"

Jem's mouth twisted into a grimace, the insecurities within clenching his stomach into a tight knot "A bit of both," he admitted. "How do I know that things will still be the same between us Will? What if she has forgotten me?"

Instead of waving aside his worries, Will pinned him down with a piercing glare "Jem, of course she hasn't forgotten about you! What kind of girl comes to visit every single day with baked goods if she isn't interested in you?"

"She might have felt pity for me?"

Will ran a gloved hand through his messy black hair with apparent frustration "Pity doesn't look like the way she looks at you Jem. Trust me, I have spent plenty of my afternoons trying to avoid your lovebird behaviour," said Will with mock distaste.

Jem cracked a smile "You really think so?"

Will groaned "Oh please don't start giggling like a Japanese school girl Jem, it's not a good look"

Jem laughed, feeling oddly weightless. Perhaps Tessa did still remember him. Maybe she would forgive him for not telling her sooner and maybe she still did feel even an inkling of the burning happiness that he felt in her presence.

"Just call her soon okay? As amusing as it could potentially be, I don't want to see you grovelling. The sooner you let her know, the better"

Jem agreed, making a mental note to check out the flights to London once he got back to the apartment. Although he was not sure that Tessa would still be there to accept his apologies, he had to try.

After all, some things were worth risking your heart for.


End file.
